Thursday, February 7, 2013

Journeying...


I haven't been feeling much like myself lately. Could it be that I've recently added the HUGE new title of momma to my existence? Could it be that I'm living in a completely different country than I was a month and a half ago? Maybe it's that I'm still grieving the the sudden losses of my father and step-father. It could possibly be that I haven't been in a classroom since the end of December. Either way, the reason is neither here nor there, but I'm journeying back.

I'm not journeying back to Texas yet, but hopefully I'll be journeying that direction soon as well. I'm journeying back to myself. I prayed this morning about what that might look like. I felt like the Lord was telling me to do the things I used to. He said that I needed to rediscover my favorite things such as writing, reading, painting, exercising, & playing my ukulele.

Let it be known that I am so grateful for most of the changes. I am thankful that God has brought me to a place that is teaching me how to slow down and gain perspective.

I don't have a ton of time between Alex's naps, feedings, diaper changes, and play time, but I figure I can use the time I have to start my journey.

As most of you know, my preferred form of exercise is running, however, that isn't exactly an option here. I decided to remedy this fact by doing my Pilates DVD. I'm grateful that I thought to pack it whilst hastily jamming things into my suitcase to come to JA. It's the advanced ab work out, and it kicked my bootay. It's only 20 minutes, but I felt exhausted afterwords.

In the afternoon, after Alex's bath and a walk around our complex, I decided to paint. Thanks, Mom, for sending me the acrylic paint set. I sat at the little table next to the window and painted a picture of the tree you see at the beginning of this post. I certainly don't claim to be an artist by any stretch of the imagination, but painting is so relaxing to me. I decided to name the painting after one of my favorite worship songs, "With a Single Prayer, You Restore My Soul." I felt like that's what the Lord did for me, He restored my soul today.

I'm currently learning a song on my uke that I promised myself years ago I would learn so that I could sing it to our little one. It seems to me to be the perfect lullaby. It'll take some time, and I'm excited to get it down. The lyrics are more pertinent now than they ever have been.



One of the main things I learned today on my journey back to myself is that I've profoundly changed in the past month and half. I'll never be exactly who I was before, and I'm completely okay with that.








Saturday, February 2, 2013

It is well...



You know as humans when we're looking forward to something we tend to build up mountains of unrealistic expectations regarding said thing? I mean, we daydream about it and obsess about what life will be like after finally obtaining that experience, person, or item?

Well, over the past few years I have thought a lot about what life would be like when I became a momma. I've played it over thousands of times in my mind. I've thought of tummy time, walks in the park, mixing bottles, Baby Einstein etc.

I'd built some expectations for this event in my life. What I can say about where I'm at now is that I am blessed beyond belief and amazed at the Lord's wonderful works.

Now, I did not exactly include poopy diapers, midnight feedings, or fussy tummies into my mommyhood daydreams, but I've taken everything mostly everything in stride with gratitude thus far. 

Something truly beautiful occurs when your expectations match up with reality. I will say that in so many ways reality has far exceeded what my expectations ever were. When Alex smiles up at me with his big brown eyes, when he's sleeping peacefully on my chest, or when he discovers something new about the world around him, I am reminded that God's plan far surpasses anything I could ever plan for myself, and His peace really does surpass understanding.

We haven't started off parenthood in a typical way. I feel blessed  to have learned how to be a mother in a simple and pure form. No bottle warmers, diaper genies, bumbo seats, or a perfectly coordinated nursery. Those were things that always infiltrated my daydreams of having our little one.  Not to say those items aren't important or nice, maybe just not as necessary as I once thought. (I have since acquired a Bumbo and I love it! Thanks Rach!)

 I began motherhood with our son, some items of necessity, and a whole lot of love and thankfulness.

I'm still here in Jamaica settled into a new apartment. We do not have a clear timeline as to how long we will be here, but we're praying fervently to come home as a family of three as soon as possible.

We've hit some unexpected hurdles, but they're nothing the Lord can't see us through. He is in control. He has brought us this far, and we're learning to trust Him to work it out.

I apologize for not blogging lately, I've been attempting to locate a new kind of balance. I'll be be better, I promise.

We're coveting your prayers. 

I have always attempted to pray as specifically as possible, so here are a few specific prayers requests.

  • A major prayer of thanksgiving for ALL the Lord has done!
  • Blessings for YWAM Jamaica for being friends, prayer warriors, and all together awesome stewards of God's love and grace.
  • Safety for Adam as he travels back and forth from Texas to JA.
  • The CDA to approve our license quickly.
  • That we have no problems obtaining necessary documents for Alex to immigrate.
  • That I will feel safe and protected while I'm here on my own. (I'm such a chicken.)
  • Alex to continue to grow healthy and strong.
We are so grateful for you dear friends and family for the unyielding love and support. This isn't easy, but as the Bible says in James 1: 2-3, we are counting it all as joy.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

We will persevere and continue to love our boy. We are continuing with our long time motto and moving forward with baby steps. 

I am learning so much about trust and patience. 

I titled this post for two reasons. I am so grateful to have eternal life in Christ Jesus. It is in fact well with my soul from an eternal standpoint.

All expectations aside, there is also something settled deep within my soul here on this earth. I am a mom, and I am so grateful.

It is well. It is very well.