Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Second Verse

Have you ever listened to a song you've heard a million times only to hear a verse of the song you've never heard before? Well, that happened to me this Easter Sunday. I knew this year's Easter festivities would bring a mix of emotions to my heart.

It was Isaac's first Easter and that brought me so much joy, excitement, and anticipation. However, it also brought back memories of  last year celebrating the holiday in Jamaica with Alex.  This year's Easter also happened to fall one day after Alex's birth father came to take him. You can read more about that day here.

I've had a plethora of "last year at this time I was…" thoughts over the past twelve months. Somehow I found solace in the fact that I hadn't been gone a year…It was as if the months equated to miles, and it made me less far away.

Needless to say, thoughts of Alex were swelling on my mind and heart all morning on Easter Sunday. It is still sharply painful to return to the day I left Jamaica in my mind. That's not to say that I haven't known joy or happiness since that day, because I most certainly have. One thing (amongst many) I've learned since we adopted Isaac is that the love and joy children bring into our lives is multiplied, not divided. Having Isaac doesn't make me miss or love Alex any less, and the time we spent with Alex doesn't make my intense and unconditional love for Isaac waver at all.
On our way to church this year
My two sons. I love them both so much. Two brothers that may never meet. 
Isaac with some of his Easter eggs
On our way to church last year 

Alex with his Easter basket

I've always been a worrier. Seriously guys, you can ask my mom. I remember distinctly in kindergarten that one of my primary concerns was not whether my snack pack was chocolate or vanilla, but instead my primary concern was the latest updates on the conflicts in Bosnia. I recall many nights insisting that I sit up past my bedtime with my parents and watch the weather forecast if there was even the faintest scent of rain in the air. 

Since I've become a parent my tendencies to worry have skyrocketed. I have never been more aware of the brokenness in this world since I was blessed with the title of momma. 

I worry about about both Isaac and Alex. Although the worries and fears that I have on their behalves look distinctly different,  I worry all the same. 

God is continually showing me in many different ways that fear and faith cannot occupy the same space, and that He has a plan. 

At church this Sunday was no exception. As I held my sleeping babe and sang the same familiar song I'd sung a million times, I sang and prayed for both of my sons. I prayed over their lives and asked God's blessing and favor for them. 

The song did not end when I thought it would, instead the pianist kept playing the melody, and the congregation launched into the second verse. 

Second verse?? 

I never knew this quintessential Easter song had a second verse? As the unfamiliar words were so beautifully sung, the lyrics permeated my heart. 

The song is Because He Lives, and the second verse goes like this:

How sweet to hold
A newborn baby
And feel the pride
And joy he gives
But greater still
The calm assurance
This child can face
Uncertain days
Just Because He lives

Okay, Lord. I hear you. Loud and clear. You're saying, "I've got this. I've got them. They were mine first. Be still, don't worry."

You see, as a mom, I'd love for my sons to live lives that are free of pain and suffering. If I had it my way I'd prefer for them to be immune to what it's like to be gut-wrenched with grief.

However, What God so clearly showed me on Sunday is that a pain-free life is not realistic. Our world is wrought with pain and suffering.  However, we can walk ahead through hard and seemingly unbearable seasons with confidence knowing that God is in control. We have a joy that abounds in us that is so great, because our Redeemer lives! (I only know the first verse of that song, too!)

There is so much freedom in submitting worry and fear to God. It is so liberating to trust and find rest in His sovereign plan.

We finalize Isaac's adoption next month. My heart is bursting with excitement and joy! We've got exciting events in store to celebrate. I'll post more details soon.


  1. Kati, you put things so elegant that it makes me feel like I am reading a novel and can't wait to get to the next chapter. You really need to start this journey into a book that one day Issac and Alex will be able to read and know how you feel. How blessed you truly are to have two wonderful sons. Patty