I haven't blogged lately. I've been intentionally technologically distant. My brain has been processing things my fingers weren't ready to type. My family experienced another tragic loss. My dad died suddenly. This left most of my family shocked and swirling in one of the worst cases of deja vu anyone could imagine.
Funeral, family, casseroles, sadness, questions, flowers, small talk, mingling...
Not again. No, this is not happening.
That was the majority of my thought process during the duration of the last month.
My dad took his own life. He did this for reasons I will never understand. I've realized an unavoidable truth that I will have questions at the age of 26 that I will still have at 96.
The Friday morning before we went back home after my father's funeral I caught a headline of the Connecticut tragedy and my heart sank. I still cannot speak much regarding my thoughts and feelings on this matter because it makes me physically nauseous.
Needless to say there were some hard moments.
Our family went through the motions at Christmas. We worshipped at the Christmas Eve service, Adam even played his guitar and did great. We opened gifts and shared meals, all the while feeling an indescribable void.
Little did I know, the same year that I would lose both of my dads, my husband would become one.
You read that right.
We've identified a child in Jamaica. It's a little boy and he's 3 months old. He's beautiful and perfect in every way!! We will be leaving for Jamaica on Thursday (yes, tomorrow!) to begin caring for him. Adam will stay for awhile, but then he will need to return home to work. I will stay in Jamaica while the courts are processing the adoption. We don't have a clear timeline on how long this process will be, but we will do whatever it takes.
We are still reeling in the amazing blessings and provision that the Lord has provided. I feel like I've been living in the book of Acts for the last few days. Amazing people who have given resources, encouragement, blankies, hugs, prayers, etc. These people are personifying the early church without thinking twice, and I am forever grateful.
We're not releasing too much information at the moment, mainly because the adoption is not finalized and we're not on the island yet. However, I wanted to let everyone know the latest news. We have walked this journey step by step with so many of you. You've laughed with us, cried with us, ran with us, and so much more.
Now is the time to CELEBRATE WITH US!
Please continue to be in prayer for a smooth and expeditious process while we're there, pray for us as we have to be separated so soon after becoming a family, pray for safe travels, please pray for healthy attachment and bonding to occur as we begin caring for our boy. We're also continuing to pray for our child's birth mom. We both had the opportunity to speak with her. I told her that my gratitude to her will be eternal. She made a selfless decision that is directly related to the deep love and commitment she has for our child. This decision will forever make me a Momma. This decision will make us a family.
Adam and I (finally!) got to go on our long awaited shopping trip to Target. I soon realized I have little to no self control as it pertains to adorable little boys clothes.
Oh, this child is so incredibly loved and I pray that he can feel it although we're oceans apart. I can't wait to be there and meet my son. I can't wait to hold him! Oh, that moment will be so overwhelming. Praise God for going ahead of us and leveling the mountains! (Isaiah 45:2)
We serve a mighty God. Adam and I are so blessed.
*This trip is not without risk, nothing in the adoption world is. We are stepping forth in faith believing that God will complete what he has started.