Skip to main content

The Pain Tornado: The Race Goes On



My step-father, Chuck, died yesterday. I didn't even know the depth of my sadness existed until that moment. I've always considered the term step-father to be ill fitting considering the role he played in my life. Let's call it what it is.

My dad died yesterday.

 It was completely unexpected and I think I'm still in shock. He was driving home from Louisiana on Thursday afternoon and knew he didn't feel quite right. He got home and took some medicine to ease the aches he was experiencing. My mom was already getting ready to go to the ER because she knew by the way he was acting that they'd be heading that way soon. They drove to the hospital both expecting some kind of treatment for the flu. They drove there fully expecting to be driving back that same evening.

By 2AM he was admitted to ICU, by 6AM he was sedated and on a ventilator. Yesterday morning, he went to be with The Lord.

Receiving a call at an odd time is the worst feeling in the world. The ringer was ringing in unison with the beating of my heart. I knew something was wrong. I could tell by the way my mom's voice cracked that things were bad. She called at 6:05AM and we were out the door by 6:17.

It was a long blur in the ICU. We waited for hours upon hours. We left only when they forced us to  because visiting hours closed from 6-8 in the evening. The hospital volunteer in the ICU was amazed because she said she'd never seen so many visitors for one person. At one point there were over 35 people staked out in the waiting room. We had puzzles, snacks, and laptops. We were a waiting army. There were prayers, tears, and hugs.

There are still a lot of those.

Chuck's condition was deteriorating rapidly and his organs were failing. I pleaded with God for a miracle, I claimed it in Jesus' name. I do believe that The Lord answered my prayer by granting

peace. He is fully restored in Heaven where death has no victory or sting (1 Corinthians 15:55). Chuck was diagnosed with MRSA, which is a very dangerous form of Staph. His body was not responding to the antibiotics, and the doctors had done all they could do. He went peacefully, and in no pain.

We are all trying to be strong for one another. I keep experiencing what I have deemed the pain tornado. I'll be sitting and chatting when, mid-converation, the reality will suddenly hit me and I get a piercing pain sensation in my stomach. It's an emotional pain that is somehow manifesting itself physically. I've never felt anything like it. I've had a lot of pain tornados today. I can't even imagine how my mother is feeling. I've been glued to her side. She's swirling in one continuous pain tornado.

It all just happened so fast. Chuck and I didn't always see eye to eye, but he made me strong. I'll never forget my wedding day when he gave me a necklace and told me that he was so proud that I'd found a love like the love he'd found with my mom. He was so proud to walk me down that aisle and give me away to man that he was certain would love me forever.

The entire reason for this post is to update everyone and to let everyone know that our adoption fundraiser RACE IS STILL ON! It was already going to be an emotional race, and now I have one more reason to run. One of the biggest patterns I've detected when it comes to the pain tornado is that it always comes when I think of the fact that Chuck will not get to see me be a mother.

 He won't get to see Adam and I as parents. I wanted that so, so bad. I am running for my sweet child and for my sweet child's  Paw Paw Chuck. It won't be easy, but he would have wanted me to run.

I want everyone to know that Chuck knew and loved the Lord. Our tears here on earth are selfish tears, and we're all aware of that.  We claim victory for Chuck. The Lord undoubtedly welcomed his dear child into Heaven and proclaimed "Well done good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)

The compassion and love we've felt from everyone has been overwhelming. We are so grateful for the prayers. My hope is that the pain tornados will subside. I know it will take time, and they will happen fewer and fewer as time goes on. I'm sitting at our kitchen table where we ate thousands of meals together. The tears in my eyes are uniquely refreshing. There's so much value in memories.

For now, I'm gearing up to run a race in honor of two precious and amazing individuals who I can't imagine my life without.

My baby and my dad.




Comments

  1. I barely know what to say, friend. I'm sad for you and so proud of you at the same time. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mommy for a Moment

Before we ever began this journey we started clinging to Proverbs 13:12 which says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.” It is important that everyone knows that our Hope is still in Christ, and we praise Him for a longing fulfilled, even if it was just for a moment.

Yesterday I went to a meeting that was called by Alex’s birth father. This was odd to me because he never showed an ounce of interest in communicating or connecting with us or Alex since we’d been caring for our son on the island. He didn’t mention what the meeting was about, but for some reason I had a pit in my stomach. I prayed and prayed. I prayed so hard I thought my tears would turn to blood.

I am brokenhearted to say that Alex’s birth father informed me that he had changed his mind, and would be taking Alex with him that day.

What happened next is a blur of the worst minutes of my life. I just remembered saying, “Why?” and “Please don’t do this.” We had been caring fo…

Isaac Warren Henderson

Genesis 21: 6 “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”

There are never more fervent prayers than when you pray for your children. This I know for sure. Whether you're praying for their health, their future, or their redemption; a prayer for one's child has something at its very core that is  deeply piercing and defined within the soul.

We are excited, and overwhelmingly blessed to announce the arrival and adoption of our son, Isaac. He was born on Sunday, November 3rd at 8:39 AM. He came into this world weighing 6.5 lbs and with a length of 17.5 inches. He is perfect in every way.

We have chosen not to share too many details of Isaac's adoption story, as that will be his own story to tell one day. We will  say, however, that we didn't have a lot of notice, and it has been a bit of a mad dash to prepare for the arrival or our treasured son. Looking back on the last few weeks, I can say that I wouldn't have it any other way…

Happy Birthday, Baby Boy

Today is a day filled with mixed emotions. It is, what my fifth graders described, my golden birthday. It's the day that I turn the exact age of the date my birthday fell on. In other words, I'm twenty-seven on the twenty-seventh.

There are moments about today that will feel golden, I'm sure. However, my heart is heavy today. Today is Alex's first birthday. What I would give to hold him and hug him today. What it would mean to me to be the one that lit the lone candle on his birthday cake. How precious it would be to see a picture of how he's grown.

We hesitated about whether or not to post these. We decided that, in an attempt NOTto share our pain, but rather to share the immense joy that Alex brought into our lives, we would share some pictures of our boy as we celebrate his birthday and the time we spent with him.

We hope and pray these images will stay with your heart so that you might join us in praying for Alex all the days of his life.









Please enjoy this beau…