Monday, August 16, 2010

Caught in the middle.

My day started out with a stage 5 fashion crisis. Now, you and I both know that's not a good indicator for the outcome of the rest of the day. My clothes decided to gang up on me and fit awkwardly, be too small or have a giant stain on them from the last time I wore it and ate spaghetti. Really, closet? Thanks a lot.

And if it wasn't my clothes it was my coffee. Let it be known that the last thing a cup of coffee wants to do when its handler is running late is stay in the dang cup. I shuffled down the stairs in an outfit I finally settled on and grabbed my cup of coffee and sauntered out the door. I'm driving down the road minding my own business when my coffee decided to jump out of my hand and land all over me. I decided to yell to the universe that If I had wanted to wear a shirt with a stain on it I would have chosen to do so.

I arrived at school because today was the first official day back. It was really nice to meet everyone and see the people that I had already met. I truly feel at home in my new school and feel so blessed to be a part of a staff that truly cares about the kiddos that they are entrusted with. Meet the teacher is on Thursday night and I can HARDLY wait! Thanks to my wonderful mother, I'll be dawning a new set of pearls. She got them for me after I told her that someone giving out unsolicited advice told me to wear pearls because they could make me look older.

Unsolicited advice is helpful abut 2% of the time, and I have to admit that the pearls did class me up a bit. I can wear them all the time. It doesn't matter if I'm wearing them with an ACDC t-shirt or not. (haha Mom, I'm kidding)

On another note, I've been dealing with a horrendous reoccurring dream. For about three nights now I have dreamt that my feet are on backwards. It truly is horrifying. The only solution is to walk backwards, but then I cannot see where I'm going.


I'm not sure If I ever explained the reason that my blog is called beauty in ambiguity. I have always been the type of person that hates surprises, has a plan and despises both the beginnings and ends of anything. (movies, books ect.) I've always enjoyed being in the middle. The middle is such a safe place to reside because it is there in the middle that I know what to expect. It is in the middle where I am comfortable and content.

However, I am starting to realize that there is a tremendous beauty in the ambiguity that lies within the so often feared beginnings and constantly dreaded endings. There is beauty in taking a risk and feeling uncomfortable. I am learning that everyday. To find myself outside of my comfort zone, and creating my new identity as an educator. It is a big job that will make a big difference, and I am so very thankful for it.

After some deep thought I decided that my dream represents how I'm feeling about starting my new job. I'm in uncharted territory, and it's eerie but exciting at the same time.

The most important part, however, is that I'm moving forward. I'm just not sure where I'm going quite yet.





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