I wasn't going to do it, but then I decided to. After that, I decided not to.
Then I went ahead and did it anyway.
What is it that I did, then didn't do, then ultimately did, you ask?
Well, I hung a stocking for our baby.
It felt a bit silly at first, then it felt a bit sad. By the end of my tumultuous over analysis, it felt perfectly appropriate.
I hung that stocking with faith and expectancy. Not that I'm expecting to be a momma before Christmas, but I am believing that it will happen exactly when it's supposed to.
As David said in scripture, "I've pitched my tent in the land of hope." Amen.
Last week, Adam and I put up all of our Christmas decorations. They consist of a hodgepodge of handed down items given to me by various family members. We have several of our own handmade childhood ornaments on our tree.
I can't wait to hang ornaments made by Baby H.
I love the holiday season. This year will be unique, and certainly sad. There will be two significant voids at our Christmas table this year. One void who had been at that table for years and years, and one who has never graced the table with their presence. My stepfather, Chuck, and our sweet child.
The absence of someone that you have a rolodex of memories with is difficult. It's hard, and we'll need lots of prayers.
The absence of someone that you long so desperately to make memories with is something I've never felt before. We're in uncharted territory. It's the whole missing someone you don't know phenomenon that has become a constant lingering on my heart.
I'm convinced that God has already made us parents, we just don't have our baby yet.
We haven't heard anything from Jamaica. I'm planning to call and check on our status next week.
Until then, we wait prayerfully.
We have been so uplifted by the prayers, comments, encouragement, and support. There are a lot of things we have felt on this journey, but one thing we have never felt is unloved.